You may be lying awake at night, running numbers in your head and wondering if walking out the door will blow up your finances or your relationship with your children. You might have a mental checklist forming, but no clear sense of what the law in Colorado actually pays attention to. That uncertainty can make an already painful situation feel overwhelming.
In my experience, the weeks and months before separation are when people make the choices that shape everything that comes after. Housing decisions, how you use joint accounts, and the parenting patterns you fall into can all become part of the story the court hears if a case is filed in Denver or any nearby county. You have more control right now than it may feel like, if you move in the right order.
I have spent more than 40 years handling divorce and custody cases in Denver, Arapahoe, Boulder, and other Front Range counties, and I have seen the same mistakes play out again and again. This guide lays out the separation steps that, in my experience, give people the best chance to protect their finances, their credit, and their time with their children. It is not a substitute for one-on-one advice, but it will help you ask better questions and take smarter first steps.
Why Planning Your Separation Matters In Denver
Many people think of separation as a personal decision, not a legal turning point. They move out, change schedules, or agree to informal money arrangements without realizing that they are building a “status quo” that a judge in a Denver-area court may later be reluctant to disturb. By the time they talk to me, they have often given up leverage or set patterns that are hard to unwind.
Colorado is a no-fault state. That means the court generally does not focus on who is to blame for the end of the marriage, but instead looks at how to divide property fairly and what parenting plan is in the children’s best interests. Because of that, your early practical decisions tend to matter more than the story of who wronged whom. Judges usually want to see stability, predictability, and arrangements that work for the children.
When I appear in Denver District Court or in Arapahoe or Boulder County, judges typically look closely at the living and parenting arrangements that existed in the first several months after separation. If one parent has essentially been the primary caregiver during that period, that fact carries weight. If one spouse has been paying most of the expenses while the other keeps spending from joint accounts, that pattern also matters. Planning your separation gives you a chance to create a status quo that reflects your goals and your actual involvement, rather than one that grows out of panic and improvisation.
Document Your Financial Picture Before Anything Changes
One of the most valuable things you can do before separation is to capture a clear snapshot of your financial life while everything is still in one place. Once someone moves out or tensions rise, access to information often becomes a struggle. Having a complete set of documents gives you and your lawyer a solid foundation, and it can prevent disputes about what exists or what something is worth.
I encourage clients to quietly gather recent statements for all bank accounts, investment accounts, retirement plans, and credit cards, along with mortgage and home equity loan documents. Tax returns from the past few years, pay stubs, business records, and any documents relating to real estate or significant personal property are also important. If you or your spouse own a business or professional practice, basic financial statements and ownership documents are especially critical in higher asset cases.
Colorado generally treats property acquired during the marriage as marital, regardless of whose name is on the account, with some common exceptions such as certain inheritances or premarital assets. That does not mean everything is automatically split down the middle, but it does mean the court needs to know what exists and what it is worth to divide it equitably. Without documentation, you may face arguments that a particular account was never marital, that a balance was lower than you remember, or that a business has little value.
In complex matters, including multi-million dollar estates and professional practices, missing documentation often leads to expensive fights over discovery and valuation. I have seen clients spend far more in fees trying to reconstruct records than they would have spent by quietly copying them ahead of time. Save digital copies to a secure personal device or email account that your spouse does not access, and avoid hiding or altering originals. The aim is transparency and preparation, not gamesmanship.
Protect Your Credit & Manage Joint Debt Before Separation
Credit worry keeps many people up at night as they think about separation. You may be concerned that your spouse will run up joint credit cards, stop paying the mortgage, or leave you exposed on a car loan. Understanding how joint debt works and taking measured steps before separation can reduce these risks without inflaming an already tense situation.
From a creditor’s perspective, your marriage and your separation are irrelevant. If your name is on a joint credit card, line of credit, or mortgage, you are responsible for that debt, regardless of any agreement between you and your spouse or any later court orders. If payments are missed, both of your credit reports usually take the hit. If one of you keeps charging on a shared card while the other is trying to tighten the belt, those balances will still show up under both names.
Before you separate, it is wise to make a list of all joint accounts and review recent statements to understand balances and spending patterns. You might decide to pay down or close unused joint credit lines, or at least reduce limits so that neither of you can suddenly create large new debt. You should also look at which bills are paid from which accounts and what will happen if either of you opens a new individual account for your own expenses.
At the same time, I caution clients against slamming every financial door in the name of self-protection. If you unilaterally shut down all access to funds, leaving your spouse and children without money for groceries or rent, you may create a crisis that reflects poorly on you in court. Judges in the Denver metro area generally want to see both parties acting in good faith to maintain basic stability while legal issues are sorted out.
For clients with significant assets, business interests, or professional licenses, credit health can be tied directly to their ability to keep working and supporting the family. In those situations, we often talk about creating a short-term budget, deciding which accounts to adjust, and sometimes agreeing in writing on how joint cards and loans will be used during the transition. Thinking through these issues before separation, with legal advice, can help you avoid the kind of financial chaos that is hardest to repair.
Think Carefully Before Moving Out Of The Home
Moving out often feels like the most urgent step, especially if conflict has become constant. Many people assume that moving into a nearby apartment or staying with a friend will have no impact on their rights, as long as they stay involved with the children. In reality, where you live and how you leave the home can strongly influence how a court later views custody and financial arrangements.
In Colorado, judges focus on the children’s best interests. One major factor is stability, which includes where the children live, who gets them to school, who helps with homework, and who handles day-to-day care. When one parent moves out without a clear parenting schedule, the remaining parent often becomes the de facto primary caregiver simply because they are the one in the home where the children sleep most nights. If that pattern continues for several months, it can look to the court like the natural status quo.
I have represented many parents who moved out quickly to reduce conflict or to show good faith, only to find themselves seeing the children on an irregular basis. Work schedules, distance, and the other parent’s resistance can all chip away at time. Later, when we appear in Denver or Arapahoe County court, the other side can point to months of limited contact as evidence that my client cannot handle more time, even if that was never the intention.
There are also financial consequences to moving out. If you leave the marital home but keep paying the mortgage and many household expenses, while also taking on rent and your own bills, you can strain your budget badly before temporary support orders are in place. In some situations, the other spouse may argue for exclusive use of the home or claim that you voluntarily took on additional housing costs, which can complicate negotiations.
Start Shaping A Realistic Parenting Plan Before You Separate
Parents often assume they will just work out time with the children as they go, then call a lawyer if that stops working. The problem is that the informal schedule you fall into during the first weeks after separation can quickly become the default in the eyes of the court. Thinking through a realistic parenting plan before anyone moves out can help you create a pattern that matches your children’s needs and your long-term goals.
A good starting point is to map out your children’s current routines. Who gets them up and ready in the morning, who does school drop-offs and pick-ups, who attends activities, and who manages homework or medical appointments. In Denver and surrounding counties, judges often look closely at these details when considering parenting-time arrangements. The closer your early separation schedule stays to what already works for the children, the more stable it tends to look.
It is common for one parent to agree informally to an every other weekend pattern at the beginning, thinking it is temporary and that they will expand it later once things settle down. Months pass, the children adjust to that rhythm, and then the other parent argues that changing it would be disruptive. The court may see this as the status quo that has been working, even if you only accepted it to avoid early conflict.
Before separation, I often sit down with clients to talk realistically about what kind of parenting schedule fits their work, their capacity, and their children’s ages. For some families, a roughly equal time schedule with mid-week overnights and alternating weekends is realistic. For others, school demands, distance, or a parent’s work hours require a different structure. There is no single right schedule, but there is often a better way to start than improvising.
Plan For Income, Support & Temporary Orders
Even when both spouses understand that child support or maintenance may be part of the picture, they are often surprised by the timing. In Colorado, including Denver-area courts, you typically do not see temporary orders for support the moment you decide to separate. There is usually a gap between separation, filing, and the court actually entering interim orders, and that gap can be financially stressful if you are not ready for it.
Once a case is filed, the court can issue temporary orders that address child support, spousal maintenance, and who will live in the marital home while the case is pending. Before that happens, however, you and your spouse are often relying on informal understandings about who pays what. If one person suddenly stops contributing, or if one of you cannot keep up with new housing plus old obligations, bills can pile up quickly.
Before separation, I recommend building a realistic short-term budget that covers three to six months of likely expenses, including rent or mortgage, utilities, insurance, food, transportation, and costs related to the children. This exercise can be eye-opening, especially for higher earners who have been covering many of the household expenses without tracking them closely. It can also reveal whether you need to adjust expectations about housing, spending, or the timing of filing.
There are online child support tools that use Colorado’s general formula to estimate support, and they can provide a rough idea of what might be involved. However, the actual numbers in your case depend on documented income, parenting-time arrangements, health insurance costs, and other variables. For maintenance, courts look at both need and ability to pay, among other factors. Planning assumes uncertainty, so I often encourage clients to be conservative in short-term budgeting rather than counting on high support figures that may not materialize quickly.
Safety, Privacy & Digital Boundaries Before Separation
As separation approaches, safety and privacy often become urgent concerns, especially in high-conflict relationships. At the same time, people sometimes make impulsive choices with technology and information that create legal problems later. Setting careful boundaries around your digital life before separation can protect both your case and your well-being.
A practical first step is to review passwords for your personal email, cloud storage, and any accounts that are clearly yours alone, such as professional portals or individual financial accounts. If your spouse has had routine access to those passwords, consider updating them to something new and secure. This is about regaining appropriate privacy, not hiding assets or information that must be disclosed once a case is filed.
On the other side of the line, accessing your spouse’s private accounts or devices without permission can be risky. I have seen cases where a client thought they were gathering evidence by reading messages, installing tracking apps, or recording conversations, only to have those actions used against them. There are legal limits on what kind of monitoring and recording is allowed, and even behavior that does not technically break the law can damage how a judge views your respect for boundaries.
Physical safety also matters. If there is a history of abuse or you fear that separation could trigger violence, planning is essential. That might include identifying a safe place to stay, discreetly gathering key documents over time so you are not trying to grab everything in one frantic moment, and speaking with professionals who work with survivors. In those situations, legal strategy must be developed alongside safety planning, not in place of it.
Why Talking To A Denver Family Lawyer Before You Separate Helps
By the time someone calls my office, they often say they wish they had reached out months earlier. What felt like small compromises or temporary fixes at the beginning have hardened into patterns that are expensive and painful to change. A conversation before you separate can give you a roadmap, so you are making choices with a long-term view instead of reacting day by day.
In a pre-separation consultation, I typically review your financial snapshot, talk through housing options, and look closely at your children’s routines and needs. We discuss likely parenting-time structures that would make sense in Denver-area courts, explore how joint debt and credit risk should be handled, and sketch out a realistic short-term budget. For clients with high-value assets, business interests, or professional licenses, we also consider how timing and documentation affect those specific concerns.
This blog can help you see the broad outlines of what matters before separation, but it cannot account for your unique mix of assets, income, family dynamics, and risk factors. The strategy that works for a two-income couple in central Denver may be very different from what makes sense for a single-earner family in a nearby suburb with a child who has special needs. Tailored advice before you move out or change financial patterns can save you from mistakes that are hard to undo.
If you are in the Denver metropolitan area and are seriously considering separation, I encourage you to talk through your situation with a family lawyer who understands both the law and family dynamics. At Law Office of Stephan E. Uslan, I draw on more than four decades of work in Colorado family law and my background in social work to help clients plan these early steps with care. A confidential consultation can give you clarity and a path forward before you make decisions that are difficult to reverse.
Call (303) 900-5346 to schedule a time to talk about your next steps before you separate in Denver.