If you are lying awake at night terrified that a judge in Denver might decide your child is better off living with the other parent, you are not alone. Parents tell me that nothing compares to the fear of losing time with their children or watching a custody dispute spin out of control. That fear can push good people to say and do things they later regret, especially once lawyers and court dates enter the picture.
Right now you may feel pressure from every direction. The other parent may be sending angry messages, friends and family may be telling you to “fight for everything,” and you might also be managing a business, a demanding career, or a complex divorce. In the middle of all of that, you are trying to keep your child’s life as normal as possible. You might be wondering how judges in Denver actually make decisions and what you can do today that will truly protect your child.
For more than 40 years, I have represented parents in divorce and child custody disputes throughout the Denver metropolitan area, including Arapahoe and Boulder Counties. My background in social work and law leads me to focus on one central question in every case, which is how to protect a child’s emotional and physical wellbeing inside a legal system that can be confusing and stressful. In this article, I want to share what I have learned about how Colorado courts evaluate custody and how your everyday choices can help you safeguard your child’s interests.
How Colorado Courts Define A Child’s Best Interests
Every custody dispute in Colorado revolves around one standard, which is the best interests of the child. In legal terms, Colorado courts talk about allocation of parental responsibilities, which covers parenting time and decision-making. Judges in Denver and surrounding counties use this same framework whether a case involves a modest estate or a multi-million dollar divorce.
In practice, the best interests standard means the court looks closely at your child’s relationship with each parent and at how each of you handles the responsibilities of parenting. The judge is paying attention to who gets the child to school on time, who attends medical and therapy appointments, who helps with homework, and who provides a safe and stable home. The court also looks at the child’s ties to school, community, and extended family, because stability and continuity usually support a child’s wellbeing.
A factor that surprises many parents is how much weight courts place on your willingness to support your child’s relationship with the other parent. In most cases, Denver judges want to see that each parent encourages frequent and meaningful contact with the other side, as long as it is safe. If a parent routinely blocks communication, cancels visits, or speaks badly about the other parent in front of the child, that behavior can count heavily against them.
Common Reactions In Custody Disputes That Can Hurt Your Child
When a custody dispute begins, many parents feel like they are under attack. It is natural to want to defend yourself and to point out every failure of the other parent. Friends may urge you to “go for full custody” or to air every grievance in court. I understand that instinct, but unchecked anger and fear can quickly lead to choices that harm your child and hurt your case.
One common reaction is to start speaking negatively about the other parent in front of the child. You might feel justified, especially if you believe the other parent has treated you unfairly. From a child’s perspective, however, criticism of one parent often feels like criticism of a part of themselves. Over time, children caught in the middle can develop anxiety, sleep problems, school difficulties, or divided loyalties that leave them feeling that they must choose sides.
Another reaction is to use the child as a messenger or as a source of information about what is happening in the other parent’s home. Asking questions like “What did your mom say about me?” or “Did your dad have anyone over last night?” puts your child in an impossible position. Colorado judges, including those in Denver and Arapahoe County, commonly see these patterns in high-conflict cases and often view them as signs that a parent is more focused on the dispute than on the child’s emotional safety.
How Your Day-To-Day Choices Shape Custody Outcomes
Parents often assume that the most important moments in a custody dispute happen on the witness stand. The reality is that judges pay close attention to what you do between court dates. Your day-to-day decisions, especially during temporary orders, create a record that can influence the final outcome far more than a single court appearance.
Positive patterns tend to carry real weight. These include consistently following the existing schedule, being on time for exchanges, and making sure your child is prepared for school and activities regardless of how you feel about the other parent. Keeping communication focused on your child’s needs rather than on personal grievances shows the court that you can separate adult conflict from parenting responsibilities.
Certain behaviors often raise concerns. Repeatedly withholding parenting time without a court order, cancelling visits at the last minute for weak reasons, or refusing to share basic information about school or medical appointments can be viewed as attempts to control or punish the other parent. Angry text messages, accusatory emails, and social media posts about the case often end up as exhibits in court. In my experience, judges rarely respond well to that kind of evidence.
What Denver Judges Look For In Parenting Plans
A parenting plan is more than a schedule; it is the framework that will guide your child’s life after the dispute is resolved. When judges in Denver review proposed parenting plans, they examine whether the plan fits your child’s age, school situation, and emotional needs. They are not impressed by plans that look good on paper but are unrealistic in practice.
For a school-aged child, for example, a plan that involves frequent mid-week overnights and long drives between homes may sound “equal” but could be disruptive to homework, sleep, and activities. A more child-focused plan might concentrate overnights on weekends during the school year while building in generous time during holidays and summer breaks. For toddlers, shorter but more frequent contact can support bonding while minimizing long separations from either parent.
Judges also consider the level of detail and flexibility in your plan. A schedule that leaves every decision open to argument invites future conflict. On the other hand, a plan that anticipates common issues, such as holidays, extracurricular activities, and communication about school, can reduce friction. Showing that you are willing to adjust for your child’s changing needs, while still providing structure, reflects positively on your ability to co-parent.
In complex or high net-worth cases, parenting plans sometimes need to account for irregular work hours, business travel, or professional obligations. Over the years, I have helped parents design plans that accommodate demanding careers and extensive travel while still preserving predictable, meaningful time with the child. Courts tend to respond well when a parent acknowledges their own schedule limits honestly and proposes solutions that keep the child’s routine as stable as possible.
Balancing High-Value Assets And Your Child’s Needs
In many Denver custody disputes, the parenting issues do not exist in a vacuum. They are bound up with questions about a closely held business, a medical or law practice, real estate holdings, or other significant assets. These financial questions can easily consume your attention and energy, especially if you have spent years building your career or company.
The risk is that property and income disputes start to overshadow decisions about your child’s daily life. I have seen cases where arguments about business valuation or investment accounts bleed into discussions about school choices or parenting schedules. When that happens, judges may begin to question whether the adults are more focused on money than on the child’s stability and emotional security.
One way to protect your child in a high net-worth divorce is to separate, as much as you can, financial strategy from parenting decisions. Work with your lawyer and financial professionals on asset-related questions so that you do not use parenting time or exchanges to argue about money. When you discuss the parenting plan, keep the focus on your child’s school, health, and relationships.
Protecting Your Child From Conflict While The Case Is Pending
Even in the best circumstances, a custody dispute creates stress in a household. While you cannot control everything, you can take concrete steps to shield your child from the sharpest edges of the conflict. Those steps make a difference in your child’s day-to-day life and in how the court views your role as a parent.
Start by setting clear boundaries about what you discuss in front of your child. Court dates, legal strategies, financial disputes, and adult grievances belong in conversations with lawyers, therapists, or trusted adults, not with children. Maintain familiar routines around meals, bedtime, school, and activities as much as you reasonably can. Routine gives children a sense of safety when other parts of life feel uncertain.
Think carefully about how exchanges and communication look and feel. If face-to-face exchanges are tense, consider neutral locations or other arrangements that reduce the opportunity for conflict in front of your child. Keep your messages to the other parent short and focused on logistics. Judges in Denver often look favorably on parents who take the initiative to de-escalate in these ways, because it shows a commitment to the child’s emotional wellbeing.
When To Involve A Denver Custody Attorney To Safeguard Your Child
Some parents hesitate to contact a lawyer because they worry it will inflame the conflict or make the situation feel more adversarial. In reality, early, thoughtful legal guidance can prevent mistakes that are much harder to fix later. The question is not whether to involve an attorney, but when.
Signs that it is time to seek legal counsel include threats from the other parent to withhold the child, sudden schedule changes made without discussion, or a refusal to share basic information about school, medical care, or activities. If you receive court papers or learn that the other parent has filed for allocation of parental responsibilities in Denver, Arapahoe, Boulder, or another nearby county, it is especially important to speak with an attorney promptly.
A family law attorney can help in several concrete ways. We can negotiate and draft parenting plans, prepare you for mediation and hearings, and help you gather and present evidence that shows your commitment to your child. We can also review your communication and decisions with an eye toward how a judge is likely to interpret them, which allows you to adjust your approach before small issues become major problems.
Talk With A Denver Custody Lawyer Focused On Your Child’s Needs
You cannot control every choice the other parent makes or predict exactly how a judge will rule. You can control how you show up for your child and how you present that commitment to the court. Thoughtful, consistent behavior that puts your child’s needs first often carries more weight in Denver custody disputes than parents expect.
If you are facing a custody dispute or expect one to begin soon, you do not have to navigate it alone. The Law Office of Stephan E. Uslan works with parents throughout the Denver metropolitan area to develop child-focused strategies that reflect both Colorado law and the realities of family life. We can talk about your specific concerns, review your options, and design a plan that keeps your child’s wellbeing at the center of every decision.
Call (303) 900-5346 to schedule a time to talk with the Law Office of Stephan E. Uslan about your custody situation in Denver.